


Sopor isn't for humans

by quicksilverangel



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Illnesses, M/M, Medical Procedures, Sickfic, Sickstuck, Sopor Slime, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-10
Updated: 2014-12-10
Packaged: 2018-02-28 21:20:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2747495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quicksilverangel/pseuds/quicksilverangel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Could also be alternatively titled Rainbows and shitty troll chicken pox. Dave happens to on a very hungry day eats a certain green pie. Poor thing didn't know what kind of things would happen, and even more unexpected was who ended up taking care of him and how well they were at doing so.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sopor isn't for humans

The thanksgiving season had ended on the meteor. The feasting foods of both trolls and humans all digested. Though a certain human was still in the mood for feasting and couldn’t wait until the next holiday or when Rose would decide to bake or cook something rich. That’s when Dave Strider happened upon a pie in the fridge on a random day. Least it looked like a pie. The top coated in what looked to be at least a half of can of whipped cream. He didn’t even know there was any whipped cream left on the meteor that hadn’t been gobbled up by him or Karkat. Since whipped cream seemed to be Karkat’s newest human food addiction. He seemed to love sweets with a passion and the more upset he got the more he would alchemize tubs of ice cream. Usually strawberry,cherry garcia, or mint chip, usually with large amounts of whipped cream on top. If anybody was a stress eater it was Karkat. Dave on the other hands was just plain hungry all the time. He jokingly always equated it to being a growing boy and since he wasn’t putting on any weight and instead was gaining height it seemed to be the case. The whip cream covered pie was probably meant to be something Karkat would wait to chow down the next time he locked himself in his room to watch rom coms and cry like a girl who just had a tv drama worthy breakup. The grumbling temptation proved to be too much for Dave. Pulling the chilled pie out of the fridge he found a knife and cut himself a slice. It was green, probably a bit too green. Though he just equated it to being a key lime pie. It sorta tasted like that but also something else but the need for the sweet taste and something rich made it easy for him to end up taking a second, then a third. Before long the entire pie was gone. That’s when something odd started to happen. His legs went weak and he was soon on the floor semi collapsed. His belly rapidly expanding. Shit, he had eaten something specifically for trolls. Karkat and Kanaya both warned of the dangers of eating troll food. Humans weren’t meant to eat it. This was a serious matter. He scrambled to his feet only to start seeing things. Rainbows swirled around in his vision and things were spinning. He was more than dizzy and certainly nauseous. 

“Dave what the fuck is…” Dave tried his best to turn to Karkat when he heard the voice. In his distorted vision he looked like a swirling grey mass. “Oh my god Strider you idiot! What the hell did you do? We’ve all told you not to eat troll food and then you go and…” Karkat walked towards the counter and saw the crumbs and small splats of green that were left of the pie. “Strider you did not eat this pie.” Karkat’s voice showed genuine concern.

“Yeah I ate your shitty troll pie and I am now blowing up like a balloon connected to a permanent supply of helium and I’m seeing swirly colors and everything’s messy and dizzy and.” He had to swallow down a bit of spit. The amount of spit in his mouth seemed to be too much. Light green liquid spewed out of his mouth all over the floor making Karkat genuinely squeak. 

“Fuck Strider! You’re going to get yourself killed at this rate! I’m cleaning this up but you owe me. Big time!” Karkat helped pull Dave up so he had his head hanging in the sink. Shades off and hair haphazardly pushed back away from his face. Dave didn’t even know how many times green slime spewed out of his throat. It didn’t burn that much but it sure as hell hurt. With each time he did so though the rapid expansion of his belly started to shrink down. When Dave felt a hand rub his back he didn’t care who it was but it felt comforting. A few times his legs gave out on him again or he got too dizzy from the swirling rainbows around him but each time he slipped he was pulled back up again. Eventually the swirling rainbows and the spinning that accompanied it got too much. He blacked out. 

When Dave awoke he found himself in his bed. The rainbows were still swirling and his belly wasn’t nearly as swollen but it was still quite noticeable. That’s when he realized he was in nothing but his underwear and his belly was tinged green. Various spots of purple were on his skin as well. Shit he had contracted some kind of alien troll disease from eating that pie. That had to be it. The fact that he was in his underwear was probably due to all the puking of that green slime stuff. He vaguely remembered the first time that he puked was all over the floor and probably all over himself as well so letting his god tier pajamas get washed was a good idea. He did have other clothes in his sylladex so he equipped a pair of regular pajamas and decided that staying in bed was a good option. It meant he didn’t have to fight the swirling rainbows and the dizziness.

“I hope you are feeling better today.” The voice was distinctly Kanaya’s she in Dave’s still distorted vision was also a swirling mass of grey but she had red mixed in. “You ate a sopor pie. Which frankly none of us know why there was one when Gamzee is the only one to make and consume them. I am not in any way an expert or even slightly informed as to how sopor works on a troll once consumed. I know even less when it comes to a human consuming sopor and in your amount I would have a lot of concern which the others and I do. Karkat stayed up nearly all of the sleep cycle looking up things. He has assured us that he would work on getting you to recover. He has informed me that once you are awake I should guide you to the room where he is waiting.” Kanaya helped Dave to his feet and led him off to where Karkat was waiting for him. The bright light in the room accompanied with the white and what was actually in the room was sobering. Which was well appreciated. The room looked like a doctor’s office. How and why this was a thing and why it was happening was not a thing Dave at his current mental capacity could comprehend. It wasn’t like he hadn’t been in one before. Many a childhood injury led him to end up at the hospital. Never the same one twice but Dave just always assumed that was due to medical insurance or something.

“There you are Dave. I see you at least managed to get into some clothes after Kanaya had to take yours and see if she could get the stains out. It might be a while before you get your god tier pajamas back. Today I am going to be your what you humans call a doctor. I have studied human medicarver...I mean medical procedure.”He did have a bit of an interest in what he called medicarver shows. Medicarver must’ve been the equivalent of the word medical. That was simple enough of a thing that Dave could understand at the time. “Now I need you to get in this. If you can’t put it on just put it in your sylladex and put it on that way.” Karkat which since Dave’s vision was finally starting to clear up a bit and was no longer swirling he saw that Karkat was going full out in character for this. A doctor’s coat and a stethoscope around his neck. It made Dave laugh as he went behind the curtain in the corner meant for privacy while changing. At least somebody had the decency to make it a pair of more scrub looking clothing as compared to the thin hospital gowns that were more common. Once Dave pulled away the curtain and Karkat seemed satisfied that he managed to change himself without any problem he cleared his throat a bit. “Go sit down on the exam table.” Dave did as instructed. It was in these sort of situations he realized how tiny Karkat was compared to Dave’s lanky frame. Though a swirl of rainbow colors in his vision again distracted him while Karkat started to do the regular exam things like taking blood pressure and listening to his heartbeat. “Heartbeat’s still elevated. There’s probably a temporary arrhythmia. Do you usually have arrhythmia when you’re healthy?” Karkat noted and wrote it down on a clipboard he pulled out of god knows where. 

“Uhh I don’t think so. What does that mean again?” Dave couldn’t help it that in this sick and probably severely drugged state he pretty much was as smart as a pile of rocks but it still irritated Karkat. A lot of things irritated Karkat. He was the type with a short fuse. Though over the time that Dave had spent with him they were starting to become good friends.

“It means you have an unusual heartbeat. Do you normally have that issue or is it a symptom of your sopor ingestion?” Karkat stuck a thermometer into Dave’s mouth. “Keep that under your tongue. I’m probably going to take your temperature in multiple places since I’m pretty sure your external temperature isn’t matching your internal one. Temperatures getting all messed up is what happens to Gamzee when he gets too much sopor in his system so I will have to probably take a more truly internal temperature.” 

“Bro always did the rectal thermometer so I’m used to it. He always said it was more accurate than one that would go in your mouth or in your ear.” Dave sighed as he got hit with another dizzy spell. “Can you tell me why I have the purple spots on my skin and why my stomach’s green?” The thermometer was pulled out of Dave’s mouth and Karkat shook his head at the number.

“I’m not sure about the spots. They sort of look like bruising but they also could be some kind of rash. An allergic reaction I guess. I’m not an actual fucking doctor but I’m going to try my best. I’m the only one who knows anything about how sopor works when it gets eaten. Do the spots itch or are they painful? I’ll check them out once I finish the more basics of the examination. Could you lay down on your stomach? I’ll take your temperature that way next.” Laying down on your stomach on the cold paper covered exam table actually was comforting. Because of the general numbness he hadn’t really noticed the heat that his body was generating. The scrub pants were easy enough to pull down and soon Dave was fully ready and prepped.

“I don’t think they’re really itchy or painful but I’m so fucking out of it they probably do hurt and itch I just can’t feel it. I can’t feel anything really.” That response made Karkat sigh. The sound of crinkling was probably from Karkat pulling out a pair of gloves. At least he was being very professional and hygienic about it. Ideas about asking Karkat about how medical stuff worked on Alternia kept him preoccupied while the thermometer was sticking out of his butt. “Alright pull your pants back up.” Dave’s fingers fumbled a bit to pull the scrub pants back up. “Alright sit up and open wide.” Soon Karkat was fumbling around looking in Dave’s mouth and throat. The pulling on Dave’s lips did hurt a bit and he saw a drop of blood. That was not a good sign. “You’re really dehydrated.” Karkat rubbed something over Dave’s lips and Dave was tempted to lick it but he was stopped. “Don’t lick your lips the stuff I put on is really bitter but it is really hydrating. Usually feferi would’ve used it to keep her gills from drying out while she was on dry land but we all know what happened to her. Your lips will probably get stained the tyrian color but I had Kanaya make a clear version for me to use on your skin to moisturize you externally. It isn’t as effective as the tyrian kind though and Kanaya doesn’t know why. After I finish taking care of you I’ll get you to at least try and drink some water so I don’t have to put you on any I.V. I’m not really comfortable with doing that.”

“Yeah needles suck. They really are scary shit for how tiny they are.” The sticky pinky purple stuff on Dave’s lips made it a bit hard to talk but he could feel the moisturizing quality of it. His general feeling was starting to get more and more shitty and less numbness and rainbows. Karkat could see it to. 

“I need you to follow this light ok?” The light shining from whatever Karkat was holding wasn’t that bright but it still hurt Dave’s eyes. He tried to keep focus on it but it was hard to. This made Karkat sigh and write more things on his clipboard. “Your ability to keep focus is still really bad. Not as bad as yesterday. You are improving but that leaves you with the bad side effects of the sopor. I don’t think anything will be permanent but I need to keep examining. Lay down on your back and take off your shirt.”

“You really are like a real doctor Karkat. Should I start calling you Dr.Vantas?” Dave laughed a bit before laying down. He felt the sloshing of whatever was in his stomach and it was not a comfortable feeling at all. The green tinge was still on his swollen belly and he saw the purple spots were still there and they were starting to itch. “Uh Dr.Vantas the spots are starting to itch. I think I’m sobering up from the sopor but now like you said I have to deal with the side effects. Oh god I’m gonna hurl. The thing that made him hurl was the feeling of something literally crawling underneath his skin. Karkat managed to get the puke to be directed into the nearby and grabbable trashbin. “It feels like something is under my skin and is having a fucking party! It burns!” Dave started to thrash about and Karkat had to hold him until he calmed down.

“It’s going to be fine. I need to keep examining to help me figure out what I can do you for you alright? Your vision’s stable right now right? You’re not seeing any rainbows or spinning?” Dave nodded. “I’ll take that as you’re not. I think I need to put the hydrator on now so you don’t get any more dried out. It might also calm down the itching and what you said the skin crawling and burning. Do you need me to take off your pants or can you do it yourself?” Karkat turned to get the hydrator out and Dave cleared his throat. It burned but not the same way his skin did. It burned from stomach acid. His skin just seemed like it was heating up from whatever was under there.

“I think I’ll just lay down and you can take care of things.” Dave closed his eyes feeling the thermometer be put back in his mouth. Probably to see if his temperature changed. The thick cream or whatever it was got rubbed all over and it cooled down the heat that he was feeling but the strange tingly crawling feeling was still there. Dave squeaked a bit himself when he felt his stomach being pressed on.

“Why didn’t I think of it sooner. Dave, you have sopor spots. Usually when trolls are wrigglers they get the shot that prevents it but some still end up getting it. I had sopor pox when I was a wriggler. I can get something to fix this. You’re probably not going to like it but if you don’t you’ll be stuck like this for a month or so.” Karkat left the room leaving Dave to lay down. The dizziness was returning but his vision was at least clear enough for him to understand mostly everything again instead of things being a swirled mess of colors. Maybe that was how Terezi saw. It was possible. He was nearly back to sleep by the time Karkat got back. 

“This will hurt but it’s the only way you’re going to have any chance of getting better.” Being so out of it Dave didn’t even realize what was going on until the pressure in his arm got a bit unbearable. By then it was too late to pull back or anything else. “Now in a few hours you’ll start to feel better. You might puke more still. That’s just the remaining sopor getting out of your system. You took that shot really well for how big it was.” Dave kept his eyes closed as Karkat took care of the last few things that needed to be done. “Do you need me to help dress you back in the clothes you came in here in or do you want to try and do that yourself?” Dave really was starting to feel better from whatever kind of shot he was given. Sure it was still horrible in general since he had shitty troll chicken pox or something.

“I’m telling you that I have about ten seconds before I just fall back asleep so you might want to take care of everything Dr.Vantas. I know you probably feel like some of this is your fault but don’t worry. You took care of me just as much as a real doctor would and it seriously helped. I’m getting better.” Dave let out a very large yawn and tried to cuddle up on the table but Karkat stopped him. Getting him dressed and wrapped up in a blanket before he brought him back to his room. Dave hadn’t felt this comforted in a long time. Warm and wrapped up in the bed. He slept very well. Until he had the horrible squirming feeling caused by the spots. Karkat was there and calmed him down again. Turns out the medicine needed was a daily shot each in a different area and that cream he had used before calmed down any squirm worth skin crawling feeling or burning accompanied by it. By the end of the week Dave was fully cured. Belly finally back to it’s regular flatness and not a single spot in sight.

“That was the last shot Dave. If you still need the cream though I can always alchemize more for you but I didn’t see any spots when I checked you over this morning. Your lips are still pretty tyrian tinted. The color actually looks nice on you.” Karkat slipped off the what was starting to become a part of his regular clothing coat and pulled off the gloves. Dave had long changed back into his god tier once he stopped puking up green slime. Though when they were in the doctor’s office he changed into the exam scrubs. This sort of doctor and patient relationship was getting overly comfortable. It was too easy for Dave to call Karkat Dr.Vantas. He pretty much had stopped calling Karkat, Karkat. 

“Karkat I think we both need to just sit down and get these feelings out. I like you being my doctor way too much. I think I’m probably taking the whole thing in a way more inappropriate and intimate direction more along the ways of cheap porn involving a doctor and a patient but screw it I always want you to be Dr.Vantas. Maybe we could set it up that you examine me once a week or something? I mean I don’t expect anything other than that. I just want you to take care and look me over. I can handle the rest of it myself.” Karkat stepped back a bit. This was what Dave expected. A freaked out Karkat who would either freeze or run out of the room. That’s when he pulled the coat back on from the hook he had placed it on.

“I’ll see you same time next week then. Your condition requires weekly exams. I will make sure that you will always get an appointment with me, Dr.Vantas.” Dave was overjoyed, not that he’d show it physically. If this was how it would be he didn’t even dare dream as to how things would continue.

**Author's Note:**

> This as said before is a birthday gift to the lovely tumblr blog ask-sickstuck/lolita-strider which their birthday happens to be on the twelfth on the month that this was published. May you have many more wonderful years ahead of you!


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